1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,737 Oleg, the people at table two 2 00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:05,373 want to know what's in the veggie burger. 3 00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:06,674 No. They don't. 4 00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,047 Eh. That's fine. 5 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,291 They wanted refills, so I'm probably not 6 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:16,084 gonna go back there anyway. 7 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,451 Where's Max? 8 00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:18,819 This plate has been here so long, 9 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:22,756 the salmon is turning into salmonella. 10 00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:27,395 She took a break with the new dishwasher. 11 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,697 Max, I thought you slipped out the back. 12 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:32,100 He did for a minute, but I popped him back in. 13 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:40,408 This just in, work is so much more fun 14 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:43,244 when you're sleeping with a co-worker. 15 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,113 Max, that was good. 16 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,781 It was five hail Marys good. 17 00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:52,153 I think we made these dishes dirtier. 18 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:57,291 Max, he's cute, but how can you even stay hard with that accent? 19 00:00:57,325 --> 00:01:01,629 "Come here, Max. I wanna hump ya a wee bit". 20 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,799 What can I say, i always had a thing 21 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:09,537 for the guy on the box of lucky charms. 22 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,639 (peter bjorn and John) * ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 23 00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,374 [cash register bell dings] 24 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,810 * ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh * 25 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,519 hey, everybody. 26 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:31,192 Look, I got me a fitbit. 27 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:35,429 13, 14, 15... 28 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:38,699 Only 200,000 more steps before I get a bit more fit 29 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,701 for my wedding. 30 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,303 That's impressive. 31 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:47,375 I couldn't even make it through 12 steps. 32 00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:48,376 Hey, Max. 33 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,544 How's my maid of honor? 34 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:51,879 Hey, Caroline. 35 00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:56,850 How's my run-of-the-mill wedding guest? 36 00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,653 I'm doing great. Did that sound convincing? 37 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,298 'Cause I've been practicing it in the bathroom mirror 38 00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,424 for an hour every morning. 39 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,235 I know, I've got to stop sitting on the toilet 40 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,595 while you do that. 41 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:10,498 Max, let's talk bridesmaid dresses. 42 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,366 I don't care, I'll wear anything. 43 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,769 I wore a greyhound bus driver's uniform to my prom. 44 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:18,639 I was coming straight from work. 45 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,509 Well, I have decided to wear 46 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:24,212 grandma kuchenski's wedding gown. 47 00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:27,415 Yeah, all of the women in my family wore it. 48 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,483 Everyone except aunts svetti and letti, 49 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:34,322 'cause, well, they're attached at the abdomen. 50 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:35,556 There she is. 51 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:40,160 The hot sauce for my huevos mancheros. 52 00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:46,300 Hey, Sophie, baby, i got you what you want. 53 00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:49,503 Oleg, no one wants hepatitis. 54 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:52,706 It's official. 55 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,509 Our wedding's gonna be in the times. 56 00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:58,279 Oleg, how are you gonna be in the times? 57 00:02:58,312 --> 00:02:59,680 The times tends to be picky 58 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,750 and you tend to be more "picky your nose." 59 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:07,288 You know, my second wedding made the times. 60 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:12,460 'Cause my first wife showed up and shot me in the leg. 61 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,228 [Phone dings] 62 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,664 That's vlanka, my sister. 63 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,999 She's my other bridesmaid. 64 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,803 Yeah, we're not that close, but I feel bad for her 65 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,773 'cause she's one of those adults with freckles. 66 00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,945 Max, you're going to be in the times! 67 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:35,849 In th times, wearing god knows what Sophie will pick. 68 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:40,421 I mean, she has a drawer full of diamond tiaras for the gym. 69 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,259 Hello, what are you two talking about? 70 00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:48,496 Deciding which tables to ignore? 71 00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:49,897 We're talking about Sophie's taste. 72 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:54,802 Oh, bitch, please. Come on. 73 00:03:54,835 --> 00:04:00,441 My morning fiber cookie has better taste than Sophie. 74 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,810 Girls, vlanka's out. 75 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:05,579 She has an attitude and freckles. 76 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:09,350 Yeah. I mean, that's too far. 77 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:13,020 So, Caroline, congratulations! 78 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,756 You're my new bridesmaid! 79 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:25,032 Okay, I found a bridesmaid's dress that I like. 80 00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,676 But the only way we can afford it is if I sell you 81 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,837 to that Armenian guy on craigslist. 82 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,004 No way. 83 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,507 I get sick of hummus after four bites. 84 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,976 Max, we have to take charge of this. 85 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,754 Because whatever bridesmaid's dress Sophie picks 86 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,547 is like a Tyler Perry movie. 87 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,816 I don't have to see it to know it's gonna be awful. 88 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,088 We'll find something classy, and beautiful, 89 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,391 and just shove it down her throat. 90 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:54,728 Who's shoving what down whom? 91 00:04:54,762 --> 00:05:00,334 And if you don't have a story, I do. 92 00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,836 John, Max and I got roped into being bridesmaids. 93 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,071 Stop. 94 00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:05,506 You had me at rope. 95 00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:08,442 You lost me at bridesmaids. 96 00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,019 I'll be at the hostess stand, looking at dresses 97 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,945 and silently wishing for an asteroid 98 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,014 to wipe us off the planet. 99 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,725 If wishes made things happen, we'd been in the middle 100 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,419 of a zombie apocalypse right now. 101 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:21,855 Hey, girls. 102 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,557 My dress just arrived from Poland 103 00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:25,826 and I'm bustin' for you to see it. 104 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:30,364 See it while I eat one of your $14 puddings. 105 00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:32,400 Sophie, I've been looking at color choices, 106 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:35,068 and how would you feel about us in a nude? 107 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:40,874 Max could go nude but you don't have the rack to pull it off. 108 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,576 Does anyone have a knife? 109 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,549 Max, why do you have a switchblade 110 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,150 to work in a dessert bar? 111 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:55,389 My mother always told me to carry protection. 112 00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:58,459 Wait 'til you see grandma kuchenski's dress. 113 00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,661 They don't make them like they used to. 114 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:04,998 You know, forced gypsy labor is illegal now. 115 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:10,170 Here we go. 116 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,905 - Oh. - Uh... 117 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:15,876 Sophie, was your grandma the crypt keeper? 118 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,881 What's going on out here? 119 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,150 What's all that white powder in the air? 120 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:26,920 I'm trying to run a restaurant, not an 80's disco. 121 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,623 Oh, put a sock in it. 122 00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:32,593 I'm buying one of your freaking overpriced puddings. 123 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:40,000 I'd get mad but I'm mildly attracted to you right now. 124 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:43,537 Just mildly? 125 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:47,541 I mean, now I'm getting mad. 126 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:48,942 Sorry. Wedding drama. 127 00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,811 Her dress just fell completely to pieces... 128 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,482 Like I'm assuming I'll do in the near future. 129 00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:55,825 Whatever you need anything bridal, 130 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,885 go to rosenfeld's in Brooklyn. 131 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:02,556 That's where I got my dress when I was broke and straight. 132 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,458 So you weren't always into women? 133 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,159 Of course I was. 134 00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:11,932 Except those three years in scientology. 135 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,635 Well, it looks like the three of us 136 00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:17,004 are going to go dress shopping now. 137 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,707 Yeah. And you know, i got to go wash my hands 138 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:22,843 'cause they're covered in old lady DNA. 139 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,816 Well, that's that. 140 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,489 Shopping with Sophie is like when I worked 141 00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,720 in a thai massage parlor. 142 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,122 We are going down. 143 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,695 Not if we go before Sophie 144 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:44,965 and hide every ugly bridesmaid's dress that Sophie would like. 145 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:48,101 If she can't see them, she can't make us wear them. 146 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,670 How did you come up with that so fast? 147 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,772 It's the same plan i used in 2010 148 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,207 when I was a bridesmaid for Chelsea Clinton. 149 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:57,144 Bad dress and then her father followed me into the coat room. 150 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,083 Oh, wow. 151 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,117 Look at this place. 152 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,986 It reminds me of that movie. 153 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:10,123 - Bridesmaids? - No, nightmare on elm street. 154 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,292 I don't know what you're worried about, Caroline. 155 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,161 I think they're all quite lovely. 156 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,529 Nash, please. 157 00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:19,266 You're a poor person from Ireland. 158 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,310 I'll ask your opinion when i need to know where to go 159 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:25,606 to get free leg braces. 160 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:26,940 You were right, Max. 161 00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:30,143 She can be a real "b" sometimes. 162 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,780 I'm sorry, but I don't even know why he's here. 163 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:38,752 Bonin' o'brien here... 164 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,220 Is gonna distract the sales lady 165 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:43,290 while we hide the ugly dresses. 166 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,025 Hello, ladies. 167 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,995 Same plan. 168 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,697 Who's the lucky bride? 169 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:54,334 Or should I say, who's the lucky cradle robber? 170 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,803 Don't mind me. 171 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,605 It's just my crazy sense of humor. 172 00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,573 Oh, the ladies here love it. 173 00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,642 The call me "crazy Carl." 174 00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:05,212 [Raspy voice] "Did you hear what crazy Carl said?" 175 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,781 They just love it. 176 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,116 I'm Caroline. 177 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,318 This is Max and he isn't the groom. 178 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,686 No, no, no. 179 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,623 He's single and gay. Yes. 180 00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:18,592 So gay, he got kicked out of one direction. 181 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,265 Why don't you two walk off somewhere 182 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,135 and share poignant coming-out stories. 183 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,070 Go. 184 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:33,273 - But Max... - Oh, you heard the women, go. 185 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,708 Can do. 186 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:37,210 Ladies, look around, we'll be back... 187 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,179 In about a month. 188 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,848 Tahiti anyone? 189 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,215 I'm just crazy Carl. 190 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,617 The ladies love it. 191 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,826 Bridesmaid's dresses should be called what they are. 192 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:51,358 Really expensive donations to goodwill. 193 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:52,826 Is this one bad? 194 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:55,195 No. That's a Vera wang. 195 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:58,832 But this is a very wrong. 196 00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,934 Hide it. 197 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:05,072 Ew. And it's evil twin. 198 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:09,042 Oh, I didn't know Hazmat suits came with feathers. 199 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,047 Oh my god. 200 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:17,117 This the worst thing I've ever seen. 201 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,186 And I've seen a prostitute change her tampon 202 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,855 on the sidewalk. 203 00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:25,158 Who are you calling a prostitute? 204 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,399 This, we've got to hide. 205 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,134 I can't get this dress off. 206 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,703 Just tell it you work at Google 207 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,771 and you're thinking of settling down. 208 00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:40,007 Lift it up. Lift it up. Dump it back there. 209 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,809 Stop! 210 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:45,445 You put butterscotch Betty down. 211 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,248 Oh, we were just looking for a price tag. 212 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,350 I know what's going on here. 213 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:51,985 You're hiding the good dresses 214 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,721 to make sure no one else can get them 215 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,023 at our annual half-off sale tomorrow. 216 00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,457 Yeah, that's what we're doing. 217 00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,127 We're hiding the good dresses. 218 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,731 In fact, I just caught another sneaky sue. 219 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:07,300 Oh, I'm Sophie. 220 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:12,840 Oh, wow, wow, wow. 221 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:16,844 Oh, look at the color. 222 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:20,247 That's not color. That's radiation. 223 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,816 That dress is a one of a kind. 224 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:23,917 Meaning there's only one? 225 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,886 No, we have two. 226 00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:30,023 And I have two bridesmaids! 227 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,993 I love it when life works out perfect like this. 228 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,800 [Indistinct chatter] 229 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:43,070 (Public address announcement) Ladies, our half off sale will begin in a minute. 230 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,905 Look at this place. 231 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,840 There are more desperate women crammed in here 232 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:50,744 than the splash zone at a Kenny Chesney concert. 233 00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:53,480 I know. It's like black Friday at Walmart 234 00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:57,484 and like black Friday, hopefully someone will trample me. 235 00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:01,321 Cause thanks to these dresses, my life is over. 236 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:02,890 Max, did you hear me? 237 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,858 My life is over. 238 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,335 You said that when the Chinese food place 239 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,195 forgot the duck sauce. 240 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,264 Well, I'm sorry, but I had a whole other scenario planned 241 00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,066 for my return to the times. 242 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:16,236 "Entrepreneur rises from the ashes." 243 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,781 Now, I'm just going to be in the times, 244 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:20,808 looking like a stupid ash. 245 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,175 Shoot, girl, just push on through. 246 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,812 I'm pushing, girl. I am pushing. 247 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:25,813 (Both) Excuse us. 248 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,347 Excuse us. 249 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,282 Excuse us. 250 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:30,517 Just go, girl. 251 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:31,518 I don't want anybody else to get those 252 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:34,822 two yellow dresses. 253 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,890 Max, did you hear that? 254 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:42,029 Someone has worst taste than Sophie. 255 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,306 Now we just have to hang back here 256 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:44,998 and let them get to those dresses first. 257 00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:47,267 Yay! My life is good again. 258 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:52,139 Max, Caroline, up here. 259 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,842 What was that, like, a second? 260 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,877 I saved you a space upfront. 261 00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,179 Come on. 262 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,447 Well, it's over. 263 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,149 As soon as they cut that ribbon, 264 00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,117 Sophie's going to marshawn lynch everyone who 265 00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,286 gets in the way of us and those dresses. 266 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,463 There's only one way out of this. 267 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,056 And you called it earlier. 268 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:12,125 You have to let them trample you. 269 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,393 I'm serious. 270 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:16,329 I'm not about to be trampled on purpose. 271 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:17,965 See if you still feel that way 272 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,933 after I say these next few words: 273 00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:22,469 "Pictured from left, Caroline Channing." 274 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:27,107 Try to fend off any heels you see heading for my eyes. 275 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,541 Attention, ladies. 276 00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:31,111 As you see, i have the big scissors, 277 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,981 which can only mean it's time... 278 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,348 To trim some nose hairs! 279 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:38,351 [Laughter] 280 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:42,022 That Carl is crazy. 281 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,091 The annual bridal sale... 282 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,093 - Is now... - Max, hold my hand. 283 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,094 Open! 284 00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:50,063 [All shouting] 285 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:55,402 Ladies, ladies, one at a time. 286 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:58,205 Oh! 287 00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,607 Well, I may be limping down the aisle, 288 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,443 but at least I won't be limping in something swiffer might sell 289 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,879 to dust off ceiling fans. 290 00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:08,081 [Woman screaming] 291 00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,350 Oh, my god, girl! Here she comes! 292 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:14,454 Here she comes. 293 00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,023 My girl, Rhonda, had that dress first. 294 00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,891 Oh, your girl is gonna have to 295 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,060 pry it out of my cold, dead hands. 296 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,361 Hey, Max, Caroline! 297 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:26,566 Try it on! 298 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,202 Follow me to the changing room. 299 00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:44,417 (Caroline) I'm never coming out in this dress, I'm scared. 300 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:47,387 (Max) So on the count of one, two... 301 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,426 Maybe it's not that bad. 302 00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:02,069 (Both) It's bad. 303 00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,570 Okay. So you're telling me, 304 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,538 versace got murdered, 305 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:08,675 but no one's taken out whoever made these? 306 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,577 I know. 307 00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,412 I feel like tweety bird is gonna sue us 308 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:16,183 for copyright infringement. 309 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:21,254 I feel like we should have giant toilet paper rolls under here. 310 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,598 Well, maybe we'll like these better 311 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:23,666 when we're out of this bright light. 312 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:27,494 Max, we are the bright light. 313 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:32,966 Ladies, you forgot the matching hats. 314 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,735 There's more? 315 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,506 Oh, if anyone finds a Xanax, it's mine. 316 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,375 It was knocked out of my hand by two women duking it out 317 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:46,446 over a chintz mermaid dress. 318 00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:47,680 Oh, now it looks good. 319 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:58,758 There's Xanax on the loose and I'm just standing here? 320 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:02,262 At least if I was high, I'd have an excuse to be wearing this. 321 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,431 Here pilly, pilly. 322 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:08,501 Here pilly, pilly, pilly. 323 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:11,271 Girl, for real, you look like straight up crap 324 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,606 in that dress. 325 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,375 For real. 326 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,077 You white girls can't pull that color off. 327 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,012 That's a waste of poppin' lemon yellow. 328 00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:20,347 I know. 329 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,482 I am way too white for this. 330 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:25,452 She's also too white to say "turnt up" all the time, 331 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,055 but that hasn't stopped her. 332 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,523 This dress was not my choice. 333 00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:31,791 I hate everything about it. 334 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,026 This is a disaster. 335 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,794 This is "dressageddon." 336 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,797 Yeah, but in a good way. 337 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:41,068 You two don't want to wear the dresses. 338 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,070 You don't have to. 339 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,737 But I thought you wanted us to match 340 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:48,808 the balloons and the ducks. 341 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,278 Max, she said we don't have to wear the dress. 342 00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:52,445 Don't question her! 343 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,047 That's like questioning a prison guard 344 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:57,784 when he says you're free to go. 345 00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,819 Sophie, are you sure you don't care? 346 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:03,123 Oh, yeah. Sure. 347 00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:05,758 Yeah, they're all yours, destiny's child. 348 00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:20,807 This is ten pounds of ugly junk. 349 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,244 Reminds me of this bartender, Pete, I used to date. 350 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:28,115 Come to think of it, that made me gag, too. 351 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,549 Okay. Done. 352 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,152 [Woman crying] 353 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:35,122 Listen, crying in a women's dressing room? 354 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:39,792 Whoever it is, girl, big butts are in. 355 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:42,795 [Crying continues] 356 00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,697 That's Sophie's cry. 357 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,399 I know, 'cause i hear it through the vent 358 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:50,503 when she watches Nashville. 359 00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:53,140 Sophie? 360 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,875 (Sophie) No. 361 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,711 Are you okay? 362 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:02,749 (Sophie) It's not me, but I'm okay. 363 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:06,419 [Sobbing continues] 364 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,888 Sophie, why are you crying? 365 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,692 When I heard what you said about the dresses... 366 00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,462 It's just... 367 00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:18,531 It's almost, kind of like, 368 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:21,834 you think I have bad taste or something. 369 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:27,207 No. 370 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,178 Caroline thinks you have great taste. 371 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:34,414 She does? 372 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,684 Well, then she should say so. 373 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,787 Now. 374 00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:47,660 Well, Sophie, I think you have your own unique style. 375 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:50,663 And I think... 376 00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:55,668 That I didn't hear the words "great" or "taste." 377 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,704 Sophie, what do you even care what I think? 378 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,206 Just say it! 379 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:03,476 Sophie, I think you have great taste. 380 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:07,480 You do? 381 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:12,485 [Sophie laughs] 382 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:15,822 Then, what are we doing sitting here? 383 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,758 Let's go and get those dresses back! 384 00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,627 Come on. Help me! 385 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,435 Those other girls already took them. 386 00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:29,869 What? 387 00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:37,510 Well, at least we don't have to wear those ugly, 388 00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:40,347 yellow bridesmaid dresses at the wedding. 389 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,881 Yup. Now, you only have to wear 390 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,217 ugly, yellow dresses here, every night. 391 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,553 This is the best thing that's happened to me 392 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,997 since I realized that weird mole on my arm was just a grape-nut 393 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,558 and not cancer. 394 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,825 Girls, great news. 395 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,461 You stuffed han in the microwave 396 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,363 and you're ready to hit power? 397 00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:57,797 Come on. We've tried. 398 00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:00,267 You know he doesn't fit. 399 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,901 The one thing he's too big for. 400 00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:05,972 No, I got ilia jorbich to be our wedding photographer. 401 00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:08,875 He's the best photographer at the Warsaw times. 402 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:12,479 Well, he's the only one who still has both arms. 403 00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:15,782 Wait, it's the Warsaw times? 404 00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:16,892 All this time, I've been thinking 405 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,751 it was the New York times. 406 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:20,553 New York times? 407 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:21,954 This is much more exclusive. 408 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,790 You can only get it in two places. 409 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:27,860 Poland and the deli in New Jersey that sells missiles. 410 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,429 This is amazing. 411 00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,331 My comeback in the New York times 412 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:32,699 has been preserved. 413 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,934 Max, I'm gonna go ahead and smile. 414 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,669 My life is good again. 415 00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:38,705 Don't smile yet, 'cause Sophie told me 416 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,040 that because you said she had such good taste, 417 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:44,043 she's designing our dresses herself. 418 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,045 What was that, like a second? 419 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,781 Yup. You just went from the best of times 420 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,750 to the Warsaw times.